Friday, January 30, 2009
I <3 Typewrkshp R
Same size for all! To
optically align all characters on a line, they cannot not have exactly
the same mathematical height. For example the triangle on this drawing
has to be higher than the rectangle. If this is not the case, the
triangle will for sure look smaller than the rectangle. While creating
a typeface, you want all the letters to have the same height.
Also round forms have to exceed the baseline to be optically the same.
If the circle would have exactly the same mathematical height as the
rectangle, it would look smaller than the square. This doesn't only
count for basic forms like triangles, circles and squares. It's
essential in type design, because they apply to every single character
in a typeface. Then it even doesn't matter if you're designing a latin,
cyrillic or greek font. It's a basic principle for any kind of shape.
Type terminology.
Communication during the design process is much easier when using basic
terminology of type. Here are a couple important ones, which will help
to bring the conversation a bit further than 'yeah, that there, that
little black thing.' The counter of the 'e' can also be called an
'eye', but there are many more terms.
Fluent shapes. Designing type
is like driving a car. If you drive a car, you always take the curve in
a natural way. If you draw a curve (of a character) on paper, this is
exactly the same. The curve starts smoothly, never out of a sudden.
While driving a car, you don't start turning the wheel when you are
already in the beginning of the curve. A while before you arrive in the
curve you anticipate by leading your car gently in the right direction.
Think about driving a car when you are sketching type on a paper.
Calligraphic origin. The
characters on the top line have a different construction than the
characters on the bottom line. They have a different calligraphic
origin. It doesn't matter if a typeface has serifs (like Times New
Roman) or not (like Arial). It's about the original way they where
constructed.
The characters in the top line are constructed with a pointed pen
(calligraphic tool). The contrast is caused by changing the pressure on
the pen, not because of the form of the pen. Bodoni is one example of
this, but also sans serif faces like Helvetica have this origin. The
thickest part will be (mostly) totally vertical. From this perspective
there is no difference between Bodoni and Helvetica. They both have the
same construction. Only the contrast varies.
The characters in the bottom line have a origin which is derived from
the broad nib. The calligraphic pen itself has a thick and a thin part.
The contrast in the type is made because of the form of the pen, not
because of the pressure. You slant the pen with an angle of 30 degrees
on the paper. In that way your thickest part of a character will not be
on a vertical direction, but will be on an angle. Also the thinnest
part will not be on the most horizontal parts. Typefaces like Garamond
and Minion have this kind of construction. But also sans serif faces
like Gill Sans have a construction which is originally derived from the
broad nib.
Spacing. Some words about
spacing type. Much more important than the shapes of the characters, is
the rhythm of the type. A typeface with beautiful characters which are
badly spaced is extremely hard to read. However, if the shapes of the
letters are not that good, but when they are all perfectly spaced, the
type will be fairly easy to read. Defining the rhythm is more important
than defining the shapes.
The white spaces inside and in between letters are defining the rhythm,
much more than the black shapes of the letters. When you manage to
create a good rhythm in your line of text, your type gets more readable
and gives a balanced end result. While creating the black shapes, you
have to take the white spaces into consideration. Because the white
spaces are more important than the black shapes. However, white cannot
exist without black. Changing a white shape, inevitable will have an
influence on the black shape. From that perspective, one colour cannot
be more important than the other.
For example, there has to be a relation between the space
inside an 'n' and the space between the 'i' and the 'n' (see drawing).
In the top row you can see the space inside the 'n' is much much bigger
than the space in between the 'n' and the 'i'. In the bottom row they
are much more equal, and in this way you'll get a much better rhythm
and more harmony in your line of text.
The same goes for the inner form of the 'a' and the 'e' for example.
There is a big relation between these two forms. If they have
(optically) the same amount of white inside the character (=counter),
your type will have a better rhythm as well.
Black vs. white. Designing
type is nothing more and nothing less than harmonizing black and white
shapes. Black can't exist without white, and white can't exist without
black. Black, the shape of a letter.
White, the space in or in between letters. The amount of white inside a
character defines the amount of white in between two characters.
As it is impossible to create a very black character with a big (white)
counter form, a black typeface will always have smaller counters than a
light typeface. Hence it follows that there is less space in between
the characters (see drawing). A light typeface has much bigger
counters. The space in between two letters has to be in proportion. As
a consequence there is more white space in between light letters than
in between black letters.
Italic vs. cursive. A roman font can be slanted (having an angle) and a cursive font can be upright (totally vertical like a roman). Urgh!
The angle doesn't decide if a character is a 'roman' character or an
'cursive' character. This depends on the construction. To make it a bit
more clear, take a look at the four big n's. As you would expect, the
first letter is a roman character. But the second one as well. Although
it's not totally vertical, it still has the same construction as the
first 'n'. This is called a slanted roman. The third 'n' looks like an
cursive, but also this one is not a real cursive. Basicly there is no
difference between the second and third 'n', only some parts of the
serifs have been cut off.
Compare the first three letters with the last 'n'. That's a real
cursive. The big difference with the previous three is the
construction. The first three are constructed from separate pen
strokes. The last 'n' is constructed out of one pen stroke. This is the
basic difference between roman and cursive fonts. Not the angle, but
the construction.
Many different explanations can be given for the difference between a
'cursive' and 'italic' from a historical point of view. However we
consider this as the big difference: 'italic' is concerning the
function, 'cursive' is concerning the construction. Almost anything can
work as an 'italic', it doesn't even necessarily needs an angle. When
making a font family with a roman and an italic font, the italic font
can be constructed in many different ways. The third 'n' in the example
could probably function perfectly as an italic inside your family. But
don't forget, it's not always a real cursive when it's called 'italic'.
One for all What defines if
one character can fit to another character? Once you made a decision,
how to apply this to all the other characters in a font?
Starting point: 'e' (in the center of the drawing). Imagine you
sketched this 'e', you like it a lot, and now you want to design more
characters fitting to this 'e'. Where to start? Should it be a serif or
a sans serif for example?
First try: 'i' on the left. Sans serif. The black part is as thick as
the black parts of the 'e'. Same x-height. So this should work you
think.
Second try: 'i' on the right. Same thickness, the character has the same x-height, but now it has serifs.
The bowl of the 'e' is not only having a certain thickness, but the 'e'
also has contrast. The 'i' on the left has no contrast at all.
Therefore these two characters don't belong to each other. The 'i' on
the right however has the same kind of contrast as the 'e', just
because it has serifs. Just those tiny serifs make sure there are thick
and thin parts, like the 'e' has. This means that the starting point,
the 'e', already defined that the rest of the font cannot be a sans
serif typeface.
Of course, every so called rule is there to be broken. Mentioning this,
doesn't mean you can't make a font which has an 'e' combined with an
'i' like the one on the left. Everything is possible of course. But now
you realize better what you are doing, also when you don't do it. Still
get it?
Readability. The only
important aspect of a text typeface is the readability. Many decisions
can influence the readability. Which contrast you create, the length of
the ascenders and descenders, the rhythm, the blackness of a type, the
strength of the curves and the bowls, etc.
Most of those decision apply to all the characters inside a font. These
have to be defined first. For example the contrast. The characters on
the top line (see drawing) have a much bigger contrast than the
characters on the bottom line. The type on the top line will be more
suitable for display use, the type the bottom the bottom line more for
text use. Not only because of the difference in contrast, but also
because the characters on the top line are much more condensed. This
makes them less legible in small sizes, but more eye-catching and
flexible for headlines. Defining the contrast and the width are
decisions which count for every single character in a font.
But also while designing every single glyph, you can create details
which improve the readability of a font. For example, the ear of a 'g'
can make sure the reader's eye will follow the horizontal reading
direction more fluently. The 'g' on the bottom line will work much
better in a text typeface for small sizes (see drawing).
Proportions. Which x-height to
define? Which descender depth? Defining these proportions are
essential, and very strongly connected to the purpose of the type. The
proportions within a certain typeface are influencing the way your type
will work & look. For example, it's
impossible to create a space saving newspaper typeface with an
extremely wide body width.
Extremely short descenders will give a strange look to a text typeface.
Even worse, they might not be visible at all anymore. But extremely
short descenders can also be a smart decision, while creating a display
or headline type. For a text typeface the ascender height should be as
big or, even better, bigger than then cap height to give a optical
pleasurable result (see drawing)
Small caps. You could guess it
already from the name, small caps are small capitals. Capitals which
have the same height as lowercase characters.
Why are small caps needed? Because of several typographical reasons.
First of all a whole word set in caps will look awful, it will drown
out the rest of the text. Second, in lots of typefaces the capitals are
not designed and spaced to work together, but to be followed by a
lowercase character. Small caps however are designed to purely work
together. They will give a more pleasurable, harmonized result.
Having said that small capitals are capitals on x-height, it's mostly
not 100% true. To optically give them the same height, the small caps
will have to be slightly bigger than lowercase characters of the same
font (see drawing).
Swash caps? Admitting that
it's not the most urgent issue to learn in typography, it's interesting
to quickly pay attention to this topic. Not every font family has a
Swash variant. Most common are swash capitals, but also swash lowercase
characters and swash-beginnings and -endings exist.
Sometimes you want to set a whole line in capitals. It's possible to do
this with roman capitals, although sometimes it's better to choose
small capitals which are designed for this purpose. Roman capitals are
not, but mostly they don't cause problems. Swash capitals however do.
Swash capitals are mostly designed to give some extra visual pleasure
to your designs. The caps are meant to be followed by lowercase
characters (number 1), or used as an initial (number 2), but not to be
combined with eachother. Only with some fonts it's possible to combine
swash capitals with normal roman caps (number 3).
x-heights. If you make a light
weight and the black weight of one typeface, you'll have to make sure
that the black weight has a bigger x-height than the light weight (top
line drawing). If this is not the case, the black weight will look
optically too small when it's combined with the light weight in a line
of text.
In display sizes this is not exactly the same. If the type is printed
in big sizes there can be a much smaller difference between the
x-height of the light and the black weight (bottom line drawing).
Bold-faced. Since the
introduction of the computer, type design has become available to a
wide audience like never shown before in history. Of course the
digitalization makes many acts easier and particularly faster. This
doesn't mean it automatically gets better, but that's another story.
For example, many font software programs have included an option to
'bolden up' your regular weight. The outlines of the perfectly designed
font get expanded, but the program is trying to fool you. That's not a
bold. It's a limousine which got quickly extended by a local
blacksmith. The contrast will probably be destroyed (see the second 'a'
in the drawing). Doing this by hand will give a much more pleasurable
result. No matter how well font software programs will improve in the
future, there is only one thing that really counts in the end: your
critical eye.
Digitizing sketches. When the
handmade sketches on paper are ready to be scanned, take care of
digitizing them in a proper way. More specifically, take care while
converting your scanned image manually with a Bezier based pen tool.
Too many points on a character, or points at the wrong position can
have a negative influence at your font.
Too many points (=nodes) can not only cause technical problems -e.g.
the printer can't print the font anymore- but it is also much harder to
control the shapes of a character. Controlling a curve between two
nodes is much easier than changing a curve with twelve nodes. Of course
it's possible, but it will not end up in a fluent form.
Having the nodes at the wrong position can cause technical problems
-e.g. it's impossible to hint the font perfectly- but also practically
it is recommendable to put nodes at extreme positions at your glyph.
For example, digitizing an 'o' would only need 8 nodes. Four at the
outer form, four at the counter form. Putting nodes at extreme
positions (most top & down, most left & right) means the BCP
(Bezier Control Point) will always be totally horizontal or vertical.
In that case they are much easier to control. In most software programs
you can use shift key to keep the BCP totally horizontal or vertical.
Copy-paste? When you have
created a few basic characters, you also want to create the rest of the
alphabet. But how? Copy and paste? Euhm, not really. Although, this can
help you on the way.
There are some things which you can do, and some which you cannot do
while copy-pasting. Some forms can be just the same. The ascender of
the 'l' and 'h' for example. But maybe the bowl of the 'd' and 'q' as
well. Once you created a 'd', this could work fine as a starting point
for a 'b' and a 'p', by rotating the 'd' 180 degrees.
Copy-paste should not change the contrast in your typeface. When you
make a typeface based on the broad nip, horizontal and vertical
flipping will disturb the angle of your contrast, and will destroy your
shape. However, by rotating a (part of a) character 180 degrees, the
contrast remains perfect and untouched.
But copy-paste doesn't bring you all the way there. It can work as a
starting point, but manual adjustments will be mostly necessary. For
example, if you have a 'n', you can quite quickly make a 'm' and a 'h',
but also a 'u' (see drawing). Copy, paste and rotate the 'n'. Then cut
some serifs, and... not ready yet! If you cut away the serifs, also on
the inner side of the 'u', the white space inside the 'u' will get
bigger then the white space inside the 'n'. This has to be optically
corrected.
One solution for this could be to make the 'u' a bit more narrow, or
maybe another solution could be to make the serif on the top a bit
longer (which also makes the innerform smaller of course). Whatever way
you do it, make sure the inner forms have (optically) the same amount
of white space. Only in that way you'll get a harmonious rhythm in your
type.
Balance shapes. If you make
both of the inner forms (counters) of the 'B' exactly the same, the top
counter will optically look bigger. Your character will look plumby,
like it's falling down. If you make the top counter smaller than the
bottom one, your character looks much more balanced.
The counter of the 'B' doesn't have to be exactly the same as the
counter of the 'P' for example. If you would make them exactly the
same, the right sidebearing of the P would be much too big. So you have
to balance the black and white spaces in every character separately.
However, there must be a relationship between the amount of white space
inside a 'B' and inside a 'P'.
About making a lowercase 'r': it's not an 'n' with an amputated leg.
Your 'r' can get very weak and soft in that way. You can make it much
stronger if you let the ending of the 'r' follow the horizontal reading
direction. In that way, the space on the right side of the 'r' will be
more open, and more balanced. It will not disturb the rhythm of your
type because the right sidebearing can be much smaller. The whole
letter can be made more narrow as well. As a consequence the white
space in the top of the 'r' could be has to be changed. In case you
change that form, optically you'll not confuse the 'r' so quickly with
the 'n' as well.
Kerning. Knowledge about
kerning will give a deeper understanding of type. However, forget about
kerning for now, spend your time on other things. It's much more
important to properly space your characters.
A kerning pair is a technical issue for optical reasons. Simply said:
when one certain character is followed by another character you can
define a different space in between these two characters. This space
can vary from the the normal spacing (right sidebearing of the first
character + left sidebearing of the second character). The difference
can be positive or negative; you can add more space for a certain
combination or you can reduce the space. A kerning pair can technically
be implemented in a digital font file.
In some cases kerning is inevitable and necessary. When a capital 'A'
is followed by a lowercase 'v', a big white space will appear which
cannot be solved by adapting the spacing of the characters. Changing
the spacing would mess it up when they would be combined with other
characters again. For this occasion a kerning pair is needed (see
drawing). In the sketch you only see some examples where the kerning
pair is negative; reducing space. But you can also imagine a positive
kerning pair when a 'f' is followed by a bracket for example; "f)".
More space has to be added to avoid those characters overlapping
eachother.
Ligatures. In a very few cases
they are essential. Some well known ligatures are 'fi' and 'fl'. The
inevitable need for a ligature is depending on the design of a font.
Not every typeface will need a ligature for a 'fi' combination. But in
some cases the dot of the 'i' is interfering with the 'f'. Get rid of
all that annoying row but making a ligature, one glyph which represents
two (or more) characters. Next to a functional aspect, there is an
aesthetic aspect of ligatures. You could create a ligature for a 'st'
combination, or maybe for 'nky' or 'ism'. Anything is possible.
Admitting that also this is not the most urgent issue in type design,
it's another obstacle on the road to perfection!
Type Terminology
Type Terminology
Learning the language of type is essential to mastering it. Get started with this glossary.
Do you know the difference between a dingbat and
a diphthong? Do you reach for the Rogaine when
the conversation turns to hairlines? Are you convinced
that ems and ens melt in your mouth, not in
your hand?
If you’re new to the design world, you may still
be absorbing an abundance of type-related terms.
And if you’ve been in the game for a while, you know
how important it is to stay current with industry
jargon. “Designers, clients, art directors, and foundries
need to have a common language to talk about
visual messages,” says Ilene Strizver, a typographic
consultant, designer, and founder of The Type Studio. “Designers need to learn
to be more verbal. You have to be able to talk about
type, justify your choices, and educate clients so they
can appreciate what you do—and why you do it.”
Allan Haley, director of Words and Letters at
Monotype Imaging (and regular DG contributor),
agrees. “It’s the vocabulary designers use for the business
that they’re in. If you don’t have a strong grasp
of this language, it becomes difficult to communicate—
especially when you deal with others who work
with type and fonts.”
Whether you’re wondering about the meaning
of a particular term or just want to brush up on
general jargon, this glossary will help fine-tune your
type vocabulary. Who knows? Being able to spout off
a few of the more obscure terms may even make you
a winner the next time your typographic knowledge
is challenged.
Character anatomy
At first glance a letterform may look simple, but
there’s more to each stroke than meets the eye.
“It’s important to be familiar with characteristics of
a typeface because being aware of details and conversing
[with other professionals] go hand in hand,”
Strizver notes.
Apex – point at the top of a character where two
strokes meet (e.g., the top of the A)
Arm – horizontal stroke that does not connect
to a stroke or stem on one or both ends (e.g.,T, E, F)
Ascender – portion of a lowercase character
extending above the height of a lowercase x
(e.g., b, d, f, h, k, l)
Bar – horizontal stroke in e, f, t, A, H, and T
Baseline – imaginary line upon which all characters
sit
Bowl – the fully closed, rounded part of a character
(e.g., d, q, P, R); also called Loop
Counter – open space in a fully or partly closed
portion of a letter (e.g., q, Q, d, D)
Cross stroke – horizontal stroke that intersects
the stem of a lowercase t or f
Crossbar – horizontal stroke that connects two
strokes in capital letters such as A or H
Crotch – acute angle where two strokes meet
(e.g., V, A, W); see also Vertex
Descender – portion of a letter that falls below
the baseline (e.g., g, j, p, q, y)
Ear – small stroke extending from the upper-right
side of the bowl of lowercase g; also appears in
the angled or curved lowercase r
Hairline – the thinnest stroke in a typeface that
demonstrates varying stroke widths
Leg – short, descending portion of a letter (e.g.,
y, R)
Ligature – two or more letters combined to form
one character (fi, fl)
Mean line – imaginary line running along the top
of non-ascending, lowercase letters; see also
X-height
Sans serif – category of type that does not
incorporate serifs
Serif – line that crosses the end of a main character
stroke
Shoulder – curved stroke aiming downward from
a stem (h, m, n)
Spine – main stroke in the letter s
Spur – small stroke at the base of a stem (occurs
in some designs of G)
Stem – vertical, full-length stroke in upright characters
like T or L; also called Main stroke
Stroke – main portion of a character
Swash – ornamental additions to some letters
Tail – short, downward stroke in K, Q, and R
Terminal – the end of a stroke that does not
include a serif
Vertex – the point at the bottom or top of a
character where two strokes meet (V, A, W);
see also Crotch
X-height – height which lowercase letters reach
based on height of lowercase x; does not
include ascenders or descenders
Symbols
Type designer Jill Bell gives a
nod to technology for familiarizing the general public with symbols. “Digital fonts have helped people
learn what pound signs and asterisks are,” she says.
“E-mail has also changed a lot of things, like the at
symbol (@) and the greater than or less than signs
(> <) that you’ll find in addresses.” And for designers,
the ability to talk in detail about other commonly
used symbols can help establish credibility in
both coworkers’ and clients’ eyes.
Ampersand – a stylized character of the Latin et
used to represent the word and (&)
Asterisk – star-like symbol indicating a footnote
or other additional information (*)
Braces – symbols used to enclose words meant
to be grouped together {}
Brackets – symbols used to enclose groups of
related words, often within parentheses []
Dingbats – utility characters that include icons,
symbols, fleurons, and ornaments
Diphthong – a single glyph that represents two
vowels (oe)
Em dash – a solid, wide dash used to indicate a
break in thought (—)
En dash – relative measurement equal to onehalf
of an em; often used to represent a range
between two items (e.g., 1995–2005, pages
3–30)
Leader – series of repeated characters (usually
dots) used to connect type on opposite column
margins or pages (e.g., tables of contents,
menus, etc)
Prime – symbol denoting inches (12") and feet (1')
Smart – quotes quotation marks that curve or
angle inward (“Hi.”); also called Curly quotes
Underscore – line appearing on the baseline
beneath a word or phrase notating italic type
(e.g., “Dynamic Graphics magazine”); now more
commonly used in e-mail addresses
Virgule – alternate term for the slash symbol (/)
General terms
It’s not uncommon for some of the following terms
to come up regularly in conversations with clients,
coworkers, or typesetters. “I talk about basic parts
of type all the time with both laymen and art directors,”
Bell explains. “We might discuss whether to
adjust letter spacing, word spacing, or line spacing.”
James Montalbano, founder of Terminal Design, notes that he converses
regularly with traffic engineers and sign manufacturers
when he creates type for highway and interstate
signage. “I talk to clients about type on a daily
basis,” he says, adding that educating clients is a
large part of his job. While it’s not necessary for the
client to be familiar with technical terms, “the more
information the designer has, the more intelligent he
sounds—and the more he can communicate.”
Alternate font – complements a text font; includes
alternate characters such as fractions,
small capitals, old-style numbers, etc.; also
called an Expert-set font
Anti-aliasing – smoothing out images (in this
context, glyphs) by shading pixels at the character
edges
Baseline shift – typesetting control; allows
characters to be raised or lowered according
to the baseline
Bitmap – an image composed of pixels with a
fixed resolution
Cap height – the height of capital letters in a
specific typeface
Display type – large type (14 pt. and up) often
used for titles, headings, subheads, etc.
Drop cap – an oversized, first letter in a paragraph
(or article) whose baseline hangs below
the normal baseline
Encapsulated PostScript (EPS) – PostScript
language file format containing vector and
sometimes bitmap info with encapsulated bitmap
preview
Font – a member of a specific typeface family
Glyph – any special character, punctuation, or
symbol in a font
Gutter – vertical band of white space separating
two or more columns of text
Kerning – the addition or subtraction of space
between two characters
Leading – distance from the baseline of one line
of type to the baseline of the line of type before
it; space inserted between two lines of type
Letterpress printing – relief printing process
where raised inked surfaces are pressed
against paper to transfer images; this process is
reversed, or “wrong-reading”
Logotype – two or more characters combined to
form a single unit (e.g., ellipsis: …)
Offset printing – printing process where plates
are inked and an image is offset on a roller before
transferring the ink to the paper; the text is
“right-reading,” meaning the image of the page
appears as printed, not reverse
OpenType – new cross-platform font format
developed jointly by Adobe and Microsoft that
accommodates TrueType or PostScript Type 1
data; OpenType supports widely expanded
character sets and layout features, and allows
for a greater number of characters (about
65,000) to be included in a single font
Pixel – a single rectangular point in a larger
graphic image that is composed of many rectangular
points
PostScript – language used by many image
setters to create printed versions of electronically
composed pages; all marks are treated
as graphics
Rasterize – process of converting a vector
image to a bitmap (a raster-based or pixelbased
image)
Tracking – addition or subtraction of space
between characters in a block (usually a line)
of text
TrueType – digital font file format (developed by
Apple) designed to work with most PostScript
interpreters; contains outlines that Windows
and Mac operating systems automatically use to
rasterize images for onscreen viewing
Typeface – a collection or family of characters,
numbers, and symbols that share common
design elements
Weight – measurement of the thickness of a
stroke (e.g., extra light, light, medium, heavy)
Vector – resolution-independent graphics
defined by mathematical statements; vector
images are assigned individual properties such
as color, fill, and outline
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday 27 and Wednesday 28
Tuesday 27
I woke up 6 AM and started school.
Got lots of work done throughout the day.
Car Stuff.
Mom's Permit. (DMV)
My and mom's prescription medication. (Rite Aid)
Grandma's Welfare App
Bought a laptop. (HP 4GHZS, 250 Hard drive Memory, Built In webcam/mic, Graphics Card and came with a EPSON printer, scanner, copier)
Had coffee with Andrew.
Wednesday 28
Loan Documents
Printing
Books/Amazon Mailing Funds.
School work.
Had coffee with Andrew.
These two days have been hectic!
Now today I started getting actual school work done- assignments, projects, reading, etc.
Getting my new computer together with programs and setting, etc.
School work in intensive and difficult!
San Francisco
- housing and work stuff.. am lost or hopeless..
Awaiting
Jury Duty
Hospital Stuff
I woke up 6 AM and started school.
Got lots of work done throughout the day.
Car Stuff.
Mom's Permit. (DMV)
My and mom's prescription medication. (Rite Aid)
Grandma's Welfare App
Bought a laptop. (HP 4GHZS, 250 Hard drive Memory, Built In webcam/mic, Graphics Card and came with a EPSON printer, scanner, copier)
Had coffee with Andrew.
Wednesday 28
Loan Documents
Printing
Books/Amazon Mailing Funds.
School work.
Had coffee with Andrew.
These two days have been hectic!
Now today I started getting actual school work done- assignments, projects, reading, etc.
Getting my new computer together with programs and setting, etc.
School work in intensive and difficult!
San Francisco
- housing and work stuff.. am lost or hopeless..
Awaiting
Jury Duty
Hospital Stuff
Monday, January 26, 2009
Alvida
Chupke se kahin, dheeme paaun se
jaane kis tarah, kis ghadi
aage badh gaye, humse raahon mein
par tum toh abhi thi yahin
kuch bhi na suna, kab ka tha gila
kaise keh diya alvidaJinke darmiya gujri thi abhi
kal tak yeh meri zindagi
dono baahon ko, thandi chaanv ko
hum bhi kar chale alvidaAlvida, alvida, meri raahein alvida
meri saansein kehati hai, alvida
alvida, alvida, ab kehna aur kya
jab tune keh diya, alvidaSunle bekhabar, yuun aankhein pher kar aaj tu chali jaa
dhundegi nazar humko hi magar har jagah
aisi raaton mein leke karvate, yaad hamein karna
aur phir haar kar kehna kyun magar, keh diya alvida alvida
koi puchhe toh zara, kya socha aur kaha alvida
alvida, alvida, ab kehna aur kya
jab tune keh diya, alvidaHum the dil jale, phir bhi dil kahe
kaash mere sang aaj hote tum agar, hoti har dagar gulsitaa
tumse hai khafa, hum naaraaz hai, dil hai pareshaan
socha na suna tune kyun bhala keh diya alvida alvida
koi puchhe toh zara, kya socha aur kaha alvida
alvida, alvida, ab kehna aur kya
jab tune keh diya, alvidakyun socha aur kahan alvida
dono baahon ko, thandi chaanv ko
hum bhi kar chale alvida
Song from Life in a Metro.
Motivation (or lack of)
For some reason something is missing inside of me. Usually I am very motivated and ready to move on and get things done but something has been slowing me down or making me wait or just halting me.
Today my MFA started and its very exciting.
I have lots of exciting projects and work to do for that and am learning good things.
So far its good, and lots of work, but doable.
I still haven't done anything about job situation in San Francisco.
Plan is to leave Boise as soon as I get a job in San Francisco, but for that I need aggressive energy application to search jobs, send resumes, and do interviews.
I have took a step forward about living situation but applying for residence halls in SF, so lets see how that goes.
It is easier to find jobs when you are in the city you are searching the job for.
Thinking of working in San Francisco is out of my imagination, even though it has to be reality because I am sitting in Boise.
Plus the economy is pretty discouraging.
Honey, get your shit together!
Today my MFA started and its very exciting.
I have lots of exciting projects and work to do for that and am learning good things.
So far its good, and lots of work, but doable.
I still haven't done anything about job situation in San Francisco.
Plan is to leave Boise as soon as I get a job in San Francisco, but for that I need aggressive energy application to search jobs, send resumes, and do interviews.
I have took a step forward about living situation but applying for residence halls in SF, so lets see how that goes.
It is easier to find jobs when you are in the city you are searching the job for.
Thinking of working in San Francisco is out of my imagination, even though it has to be reality because I am sitting in Boise.
Plus the economy is pretty discouraging.
Honey, get your shit together!
Friday, January 23, 2009
1:53 A.M Boise Time
I don't know why this happens to me, but for some reason I just can't sleep till 3 or 4 in morning, whether it's Seattle or Boise.
I have been listening to slow, romantic music that usually makes me fall asleep, but for some reason, not working today. I also have to wake up early tomorrow (or I guess later today) to meet my friends. I have the whole day booked with friends.
Random Story
I went to the hospital while ago in Seattle and I was showing the doctor my toes that have been swollen for a month now. I tried everything I could to reduce it, but nothing worked.
Finally, I went to doctor hoping its not something serious.
The doctor poked me with these needle really hard and asked me whether it hurt, and so I told him that it did hurt.
He said, "Thank God, be thankful that you can "feel" pain because if you couldn't it would have been a nerve ending damage and we would have to chop your toes off"
One of my friends quotes in AIM
And after a while you learn that you don't need anyone else in order to survive. No one is ever going to always be there, no matter what they say or what they promise you. -- Hey Arnold
School starts January 26, 2009. I am taking History of Graphic Design, Making Ideas Visible and Type Form I.
I am very excited for the projects in these classes. According to Program Description, all my classes will require a huge project that will contribute to "stunning" portfolio production at the end of the degree.
As far as San Francisco goes, I am laying back cause of the economy, but my goal is to get out of Boise, and start a good job by February 17, 2009.
While I am in Boise, another big thing I am learning is cooking. I know how to cook, but I never actually do it. So here I am starting to cook and practice so I can cook food for myself in SFO. My mom is getting all the utensils and ingredients together for me so I can have my own productive kitchen.
Drawing, dancing, volunteer work and reading is on hold which I am in Boise because I have to prioritize for other needs and desires and work that needs to be taken care of.
- School: 4.0 in all calsses- stunning portfolio
- Work: job by FEB 17, 2009
- Mental Health: Content.....
- Cooking/Cleaning: clean out whole house for mom and learn to cook all indian food before SFO
- Hobbies: drawing, dancing, volunteer work and reading- awaited until SFO
Need to take care of:
Jury Duty
Hospital Stuff
Loans documents
Laptop/Programs
Perscription Medication
Printing
Car stuff
Get mom permit
Amazon
I have been listening to slow, romantic music that usually makes me fall asleep, but for some reason, not working today. I also have to wake up early tomorrow (or I guess later today) to meet my friends. I have the whole day booked with friends.
Random Story
I went to the hospital while ago in Seattle and I was showing the doctor my toes that have been swollen for a month now. I tried everything I could to reduce it, but nothing worked.
Finally, I went to doctor hoping its not something serious.
The doctor poked me with these needle really hard and asked me whether it hurt, and so I told him that it did hurt.
He said, "Thank God, be thankful that you can "feel" pain because if you couldn't it would have been a nerve ending damage and we would have to chop your toes off"
One of my friends quotes in AIM
And after a while you learn that you don't need anyone else in order to survive. No one is ever going to always be there, no matter what they say or what they promise you. -- Hey Arnold
School starts January 26, 2009. I am taking History of Graphic Design, Making Ideas Visible and Type Form I.
I am very excited for the projects in these classes. According to Program Description, all my classes will require a huge project that will contribute to "stunning" portfolio production at the end of the degree.
As far as San Francisco goes, I am laying back cause of the economy, but my goal is to get out of Boise, and start a good job by February 17, 2009.
While I am in Boise, another big thing I am learning is cooking. I know how to cook, but I never actually do it. So here I am starting to cook and practice so I can cook food for myself in SFO. My mom is getting all the utensils and ingredients together for me so I can have my own productive kitchen.
Drawing, dancing, volunteer work and reading is on hold which I am in Boise because I have to prioritize for other needs and desires and work that needs to be taken care of.
- School: 4.0 in all calsses- stunning portfolio
- Work: job by FEB 17, 2009
- Mental Health: Content.....
- Cooking/Cleaning: clean out whole house for mom and learn to cook all indian food before SFO
- Hobbies: drawing, dancing, volunteer work and reading- awaited until SFO
Need to take care of:
Jury Duty
Hospital Stuff
Loans documents
Laptop/Programs
Perscription Medication
Printing
Car stuff
Get mom permit
Amazon
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Threshold/Randomness
My life right now is at threshold.
I moved away from Seattle. My plan was/is to live in Boise for a while (less than a month) and then go to San Francisco.
I left Seattle cause my health was pretty bad, and no job (but 700 dollar rent) and alone there for no reason. I have changed my major from Phd in Psychology to Masters in Graphic Design.
I came to Boise to be with mom for a while, and get my health under control and look for jobs in San Francisco so I can have a good transition there.
I am going to San Francisco because my school is there (Academy of Art- MFA Graphic Design) and because I have to start a good work, go to school (possibly work there) and settle there for a while.
Last time I wrote a blog about this, I was in Seattle.
Partial quote:
I hate Boise, and I don't want to be there for long. I wish I get a job ASAP in San Francisco so I can move there and start there.
I have learned and changed a lot and I want to continue that and be happy as I am in San Francisco.
I know everything will eventually work out, sooner or later.
Time flies, and even if I am still in Boise after a month then the day I go to San Francisco will remind me that it is all over and time to move on.
Funny how that works. I spent three months in Boise dedicating all my energy to moving and being excited and hoping and waiting and expecting and I don't know where the 6 months I spent here went. Time flies. It will fly away in Boise, and it will fly away in San Francisco.
I want to be settled though. I understand there are uncertainties in life and you don't know where they are going to take you, but I really want to be settled where I am going to be.
Eventually, I had to go to San Francisco, so its best that I do it sooner and settle there since I have to do my 2 years of Master's there and most likely get a good job there.
Well, now I am in Boise, waiting for San Francisco. I always have and most likely always will hate Boise, but for now I am liking it. It feels like I am on vacation and though its my home, I feel like a guest, very welcomed guest.
I am addicted to cleaning. Mostly all day I try to find ways to clean everything and simplify.
I learned a lot about simplifying in Seattle; life, house, work, school, ideas, brain power, etc.....
I clean, study a little bit, look for few jobs, eat very well (my health is almost perfect) and relax.
For some reason, I am trying the least to get out of here, which I know I want to do fast, but I guess I am being patient.
I am very excited for school. I ordered my Adobe Suit and will get a laptop soon and have all that set up. Most of my books are in, and most of school materials are taken care of.
I just need to look for jobs in San Francisco ASAP and visit there soon so I can go and get ready to leave Boise.
I have a goal to get a 4.0 and top my Masters Program so I am working hard on preparing for that and focusing on doing great.
While I am in Boise, I am trying to figure myself out and analyzing what makes me a person.
There is a lot in my past, and more in present and a lot more in future. That will always be and will never change.
Things that really make me who I am.
- I am a young indian-american girl
- I obtained my bachelors degree at age of 19 in communication and psychology
- I am working on my masters in graphic design from a national ranked school
- I love dancing (hip hop, bollywood, salsa)
- I love drawing and painting ("my sketch book"- )
- I love reading (have collection of books, and bookstore are my favorite place to be)
- I am a clean freak. (organized, neat, simplified)
- Fashion for me in comfort and simple beauty (earrings, nice outfit, bracelet, heels, eyeliner)
- Volunteer work (i.e. AID Seattle and CEN from Seattle)
- I can't sleep without my Ipod music, mostly
These are few basic things about me that I deal with on daily basis.
There are lot more other things that make me who I am.
I am very ambitious and have dreams and goals in life.
But most importantly,
I love who I am, what made me who I am and what I do to continue growing as an individual.
I have no regrets about anything, even mistakes because they are the reason I learned and know better and I don't want to think "wish that never happened" because I would have never learned if that didn't happen.
No matter what, I am happy with whatever is and however it will be.
I have learned many important life lessons at young age and am very mature.
Though there are sparks of discouragement, I still am very optimistic and hopeful.
I am strong, yet naive.
I moved away from Seattle. My plan was/is to live in Boise for a while (less than a month) and then go to San Francisco.
I left Seattle cause my health was pretty bad, and no job (but 700 dollar rent) and alone there for no reason. I have changed my major from Phd in Psychology to Masters in Graphic Design.
I came to Boise to be with mom for a while, and get my health under control and look for jobs in San Francisco so I can have a good transition there.
I am going to San Francisco because my school is there (Academy of Art- MFA Graphic Design) and because I have to start a good work, go to school (possibly work there) and settle there for a while.
Last time I wrote a blog about this, I was in Seattle.
Partial quote:
I hate Boise, and I don't want to be there for long. I wish I get a job ASAP in San Francisco so I can move there and start there.
I have learned and changed a lot and I want to continue that and be happy as I am in San Francisco.
I know everything will eventually work out, sooner or later.
Time flies, and even if I am still in Boise after a month then the day I go to San Francisco will remind me that it is all over and time to move on.
Funny how that works. I spent three months in Boise dedicating all my energy to moving and being excited and hoping and waiting and expecting and I don't know where the 6 months I spent here went. Time flies. It will fly away in Boise, and it will fly away in San Francisco.
I want to be settled though. I understand there are uncertainties in life and you don't know where they are going to take you, but I really want to be settled where I am going to be.
Eventually, I had to go to San Francisco, so its best that I do it sooner and settle there since I have to do my 2 years of Master's there and most likely get a good job there.
Well, now I am in Boise, waiting for San Francisco. I always have and most likely always will hate Boise, but for now I am liking it. It feels like I am on vacation and though its my home, I feel like a guest, very welcomed guest.
I am addicted to cleaning. Mostly all day I try to find ways to clean everything and simplify.
I learned a lot about simplifying in Seattle; life, house, work, school, ideas, brain power, etc.....
I clean, study a little bit, look for few jobs, eat very well (my health is almost perfect) and relax.
For some reason, I am trying the least to get out of here, which I know I want to do fast, but I guess I am being patient.
I am very excited for school. I ordered my Adobe Suit and will get a laptop soon and have all that set up. Most of my books are in, and most of school materials are taken care of.
I just need to look for jobs in San Francisco ASAP and visit there soon so I can go and get ready to leave Boise.
I have a goal to get a 4.0 and top my Masters Program so I am working hard on preparing for that and focusing on doing great.
While I am in Boise, I am trying to figure myself out and analyzing what makes me a person.
There is a lot in my past, and more in present and a lot more in future. That will always be and will never change.
Things that really make me who I am.
- I am a young indian-american girl
- I obtained my bachelors degree at age of 19 in communication and psychology
- I am working on my masters in graphic design from a national ranked school
- I love dancing (hip hop, bollywood, salsa)
- I love drawing and painting ("my sketch book"- )
- I love reading (have collection of books, and bookstore are my favorite place to be)
- I am a clean freak. (organized, neat, simplified)
- Fashion for me in comfort and simple beauty (earrings, nice outfit, bracelet, heels, eyeliner)
- Volunteer work (i.e. AID Seattle and CEN from Seattle)
- I can't sleep without my Ipod music, mostly
These are few basic things about me that I deal with on daily basis.
There are lot more other things that make me who I am.
I am very ambitious and have dreams and goals in life.
But most importantly,
I love who I am, what made me who I am and what I do to continue growing as an individual.
I have no regrets about anything, even mistakes because they are the reason I learned and know better and I don't want to think "wish that never happened" because I would have never learned if that didn't happen.
No matter what, I am happy with whatever is and however it will be.
I have learned many important life lessons at young age and am very mature.
Though there are sparks of discouragement, I still am very optimistic and hopeful.
I am strong, yet naive.
Cliches
Clichés about Money
"Money is the root of all evil" - This means all bad things have a monetary reason behind them.
"Money makes the world go round" - This implies that money is required for each and everything.
"Time is money" - This suggests that time is valuable.
"A fool and his money are easily parted" - This means that foolishly handling money will result in its loss.
"Money to burn " - This implies that somebody has more money than his or her requirements.
Clichés about Love
"All’s fair in love and war" - This means that anything is acceptable in this situation.
"Unlucky in cards, lucky in love" - Losers use this cliché for consoling themselves.
"Misery loves company" - This means that sad and unhappy people expect others to share their sorrow.
"You only hurt the one you love" - This implies that the people closest to you are most affected by your actions.
"Love is blind" - This suggests that love makes us oblivious to the faults of the object of love
Clichés about Medicine
"Laughter is the best medicine" - This suggests that laughter helps cure illnesses.
"A taste of his own medicine" - This means that the person is given the same treatment he metes out to others.
Clichés about Robbery
"Robbing Peter to pay Paul" - This means that to take money from one person to pay another person.
"Highway robbery" - This denotes cheating somebody.
Cliches about Luck
"That’s the way lady luck dances" - This means that’s how luck works.
"Don’t push your luck" - This implies that you may not be always lucky.
"If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all" - This means that the only luck the person has is bad luck.
Clichés about Gold
"Worth his weight in gold" - This means that the person is as valuable as gold.
"Pot of gold at the end of the rainbow" - This denotes the achievement of a person's hopes and dreams.
"As good as gold" - This means that the person is well-mannered.
"Silence is golden" - This means that silence is indeed precious.
Cliches using the word "Free"
"There’s no such thing as a free lunch" - This means that everything has a cost.
"Foot loose and fancy free" - This denotes being free of responsibilities.
"Free as a bird" - This means that the person is free of obligations.
"If you love something set it free" - This implies that one cannot impose love.
Cliches about China
"Not for all the tea in China" - This means refusing to consummate a deal at any cost.
"A bull in a china shop" - This denotes being clumsy and maladroit.
Cliches using the word "Rock"
"The hand that rocks the cradle" - This means the person who takes care of the baby.
"Don’t rock the boat" - This implies that do not annoy people by trying to change a situation.
"Caught between a rock and a hard place" - This denotes encountering two equally undesirable choices.
There are many more clichés. Hope this was a learning experience for you.
"Money is the root of all evil" - This means all bad things have a monetary reason behind them.
"Money makes the world go round" - This implies that money is required for each and everything.
"Time is money" - This suggests that time is valuable.
"A fool and his money are easily parted" - This means that foolishly handling money will result in its loss.
"Money to burn " - This implies that somebody has more money than his or her requirements.
Clichés about Love
"All’s fair in love and war" - This means that anything is acceptable in this situation.
"Unlucky in cards, lucky in love" - Losers use this cliché for consoling themselves.
"Misery loves company" - This means that sad and unhappy people expect others to share their sorrow.
"You only hurt the one you love" - This implies that the people closest to you are most affected by your actions.
"Love is blind" - This suggests that love makes us oblivious to the faults of the object of love
Clichés about Medicine
"Laughter is the best medicine" - This suggests that laughter helps cure illnesses.
"A taste of his own medicine" - This means that the person is given the same treatment he metes out to others.
Clichés about Robbery
"Robbing Peter to pay Paul" - This means that to take money from one person to pay another person.
"Highway robbery" - This denotes cheating somebody.
Cliches about Luck
"That’s the way lady luck dances" - This means that’s how luck works.
"Don’t push your luck" - This implies that you may not be always lucky.
"If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all" - This means that the only luck the person has is bad luck.
Clichés about Gold
"Worth his weight in gold" - This means that the person is as valuable as gold.
"Pot of gold at the end of the rainbow" - This denotes the achievement of a person's hopes and dreams.
"As good as gold" - This means that the person is well-mannered.
"Silence is golden" - This means that silence is indeed precious.
Cliches using the word "Free"
"There’s no such thing as a free lunch" - This means that everything has a cost.
"Foot loose and fancy free" - This denotes being free of responsibilities.
"Free as a bird" - This means that the person is free of obligations.
"If you love something set it free" - This implies that one cannot impose love.
Cliches about China
"Not for all the tea in China" - This means refusing to consummate a deal at any cost.
"A bull in a china shop" - This denotes being clumsy and maladroit.
Cliches using the word "Rock"
"The hand that rocks the cradle" - This means the person who takes care of the baby.
"Don’t rock the boat" - This implies that do not annoy people by trying to change a situation.
"Caught between a rock and a hard place" - This denotes encountering two equally undesirable choices.
There are many more clichés. Hope this was a learning experience for you.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Believe
I got these little believe cards that open up and have different quotes in each card.
Be an explorer, the universe is filled with wonderful things.
Hope is the beacon that will guide us safely through the storm.
Celebrate the gifts within you.
We can never know what sweet miracles tomorrow may bring.
Dance to the music of your dreams.
Follow your heart.
May today your heart be grateful.
Imagination casts rainbows on the soul.
Be an explorer, the universe is filled with wonderful things.
Hope is the beacon that will guide us safely through the storm.
Celebrate the gifts within you.
We can never know what sweet miracles tomorrow may bring.
Dance to the music of your dreams.
Follow your heart.
May today your heart be grateful.
Imagination casts rainbows on the soul.
Perseverance
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
- Confucius
Mastering the art of perseverance is at the heart of turning our deepest dreams into possibilities.
I hear, I forget
I see, I remember
I do, I understand
- Confucius
Mastering the art of perseverance is at the heart of turning our deepest dreams into possibilities.
I hear, I forget
I see, I remember
I do, I understand
Thursday, January 15, 2009
My writing
A lot of my writing, specially titled "time" it's "x:yz AM" is quiet interesting to read.
I can't sleep at night and so I get up and write in the middle of the night and of course I write so proudly, and when I wake up and read it in day time it feels like: I was drunk and writing my train of thought away.... But they all do seem true and I still stand at same position about those ideas in the daytime. Plus, don't people speak, the truth and only the truth when they are drunk?? Atleast that's what I hear..
I can't sleep at night and so I get up and write in the middle of the night and of course I write so proudly, and when I wake up and read it in day time it feels like: I was drunk and writing my train of thought away.... But they all do seem true and I still stand at same position about those ideas in the daytime. Plus, don't people speak, the truth and only the truth when they are drunk?? Atleast that's what I hear..
Bitter Sweet Symphony- Song for Seattle
Seattle,
here is a song for you....
Bittersweet Symphony Lyrics
here is a song for you....
Bittersweet Symphony Lyrics
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah
No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,no,no,no,no,no(fading away)
Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now
No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change it
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
Trying to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah
You know I can't change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no
I can't change my mind
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
Been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
That you've ever been down
That you've ever been down
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
2:39 AM Seattle Time!
Its 2:39 A.M.
Grrr. I am mad. I really want to sleep, but I can't.
At like 10:30 I was yawning like crazy, and at that time I didn't give my full effort to go to bed, therefore, I am still awake at 2:40 A.M. I hate going to bed late and waking up late.
I have tried to sleep around 10ish 11ish and I just can't.
So my life right now.
I packed for Boise.
I am going to Boise (from Seattle) on Saturday. Driving down there. So for the last few weeks, the plan was. I would stay in Seattle and look for a job in Seattle and San Francisco (since my school {MFA in Graphic Design, Academy of Art University} is in San Francisco.
If I would have found a good job in Seattle, I would have stayed here for a while and then move down to San Francisco. If I would have found a job in San Francisco, I would gone there.
If neither until now, I would move to Boise, and continue job hunt in only San Francisco.
Seattle is out of question now.
I am moving to Boise temporarily, until I find a job in San Francisco, and then as soon as I get a job there, I will move down there.
Another thing is that my health isn't that great. Stress easily affects me, and all the spicy food is taking it's toll I guess. I am diagnosed with ulcers, and so within the next 3-4 months I need to have an amazing diet, no spicy food, no acidic food, and stress the least I can.
Story on that. I loved stress. It was challenging for me and it really drove me. That constant work demand, and people and expectations and mind work was my happy life. School, work, friends, someone, etc.
Now I experience minor stress and my stomach starts to hurt. Its unbelievable. I hate it. Other people would be fighting or yelling and I would be in pain (stomach stress pain)
I finished my undergrad in two years, skipped a year of high school, AP classes, work, internship, friends, dance, volunteer etc.. and still I was happy and got through it and all that together didn't stress me enough to get me ulcers.
Well, now I have to take it very easy and relax and let things be.
I was very excited to come to Seattle. It was a new chapter in my life and I was very happy to be on my own doing my thing. I have learned so much here.
I hate Boise, and I don't want to be there for long. I wish I get a job ASAP in San Francisco so I can move there and start there.
I have learned and changed a lot and I want to continue that and be happy as I am in San Francisco.
I know everything will eventually work out, sooner or later.
Time flies, and even if I am still in Boise after a month then the day I go to San Francisco will remind me that it is all over and time to move on.
Funny how that works. I spent three months in Boise dedicating all my energy to moving and being excited and hoping and waiting and expecting and I don't know where the 6 months I spent here went. Time flies. It will fly away in Boise, and it will fly away in San Francisco.
I want to be settled though. I understand there are uncertainties in life and you don't know where they are going to take you, but I really want to be settled where I am going to be.
Eventually, I had to go to San Francisco, so its best that I do it sooner and settle there since I have to do my 2 years of Master's there and most likely get a good job there.
In the last month mostly, I think I have really learned few very important things
how to find peace with myself, whether i am happy or sad, whether this world is turned upside down or upright
uncertainty is a virtue
time flies, and a lot of things that happened now won't even matter few months or a year down the road
everything will eventually work out, sooner or later
everything happens for good... right now it may seem bad, but its good for future.. will realize in future that its best that i left
be happy no matter what
at the end of the day, it's my choices
So, god knows where I am going with my life, but everything happens for good..
Seattle, Thank You for teaching me so much in 6 months. I haven't learned this much in 19 years of my life. I have become so strong and learned to be happy with whatever is.
Boise, I am only a guest....Thank you for your hospitality.
San Francisco, here I come and you and I are going to have an amazing long term relationship!!!!
Grrr. I am mad. I really want to sleep, but I can't.
At like 10:30 I was yawning like crazy, and at that time I didn't give my full effort to go to bed, therefore, I am still awake at 2:40 A.M. I hate going to bed late and waking up late.
I have tried to sleep around 10ish 11ish and I just can't.
So my life right now.
I packed for Boise.
I am going to Boise (from Seattle) on Saturday. Driving down there. So for the last few weeks, the plan was. I would stay in Seattle and look for a job in Seattle and San Francisco (since my school {MFA in Graphic Design, Academy of Art University} is in San Francisco.
If I would have found a good job in Seattle, I would have stayed here for a while and then move down to San Francisco. If I would have found a job in San Francisco, I would gone there.
If neither until now, I would move to Boise, and continue job hunt in only San Francisco.
Seattle is out of question now.
I am moving to Boise temporarily, until I find a job in San Francisco, and then as soon as I get a job there, I will move down there.
Another thing is that my health isn't that great. Stress easily affects me, and all the spicy food is taking it's toll I guess. I am diagnosed with ulcers, and so within the next 3-4 months I need to have an amazing diet, no spicy food, no acidic food, and stress the least I can.
Story on that. I loved stress. It was challenging for me and it really drove me. That constant work demand, and people and expectations and mind work was my happy life. School, work, friends, someone, etc.
Now I experience minor stress and my stomach starts to hurt. Its unbelievable. I hate it. Other people would be fighting or yelling and I would be in pain (stomach stress pain)
I finished my undergrad in two years, skipped a year of high school, AP classes, work, internship, friends, dance, volunteer etc.. and still I was happy and got through it and all that together didn't stress me enough to get me ulcers.
Well, now I have to take it very easy and relax and let things be.
I was very excited to come to Seattle. It was a new chapter in my life and I was very happy to be on my own doing my thing. I have learned so much here.
I hate Boise, and I don't want to be there for long. I wish I get a job ASAP in San Francisco so I can move there and start there.
I have learned and changed a lot and I want to continue that and be happy as I am in San Francisco.
I know everything will eventually work out, sooner or later.
Time flies, and even if I am still in Boise after a month then the day I go to San Francisco will remind me that it is all over and time to move on.
Funny how that works. I spent three months in Boise dedicating all my energy to moving and being excited and hoping and waiting and expecting and I don't know where the 6 months I spent here went. Time flies. It will fly away in Boise, and it will fly away in San Francisco.
I want to be settled though. I understand there are uncertainties in life and you don't know where they are going to take you, but I really want to be settled where I am going to be.
Eventually, I had to go to San Francisco, so its best that I do it sooner and settle there since I have to do my 2 years of Master's there and most likely get a good job there.
In the last month mostly, I think I have really learned few very important things
how to find peace with myself, whether i am happy or sad, whether this world is turned upside down or upright
uncertainty is a virtue
time flies, and a lot of things that happened now won't even matter few months or a year down the road
everything will eventually work out, sooner or later
everything happens for good... right now it may seem bad, but its good for future.. will realize in future that its best that i left
be happy no matter what
at the end of the day, it's my choices
So, god knows where I am going with my life, but everything happens for good..
Seattle, Thank You for teaching me so much in 6 months. I haven't learned this much in 19 years of my life. I have become so strong and learned to be happy with whatever is.
Boise, I am only a guest....Thank you for your hospitality.
San Francisco, here I come and you and I are going to have an amazing long term relationship!!!!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Choir Songs
I use to sing...
I was part of my school choir from when I was in 5th grade, until I was in 8- so about 4 years.
I really liked singing then. It was very fun. We would have concerts.... it was really nice...
I also played the violin at that time, except I started playing violin when I was in 4th grade and played until I was in 10th.
I was going through my stuff and found my choir songs lyrics.
Here are the songs from BDF choir in Iowa. These are amazing songs.
The ones I have composer copy to, I will paste later, but ones I don't have composer copy to and just lyrics I am noting below.
P.S. some of these just sound like poems now because I have forgoteen the tune.. the ones I haven't forgotten the tune are playing in my mind..
Snow
Oooo Out of the bosom of the air, out of the cloud-fold of her garment shaken (over the woodlands, brown and bare) over the harvest field for shaken (over the harvest field for shaken)
Oooo Silent and soft and slow de-sends the snow... de-sends the snow... Oooo Snow...
Cole's Song (know the tune)
I feel that the love around me has come from another world
I have lost love, I have found love
From the moment you were born
I could see a new beggining
Come to me, let me tell you how
How I've lost love, and how I've found love in a world of broken dreams
I was wrong- to deny your feelings
-and I'm sorry if I've caused you pain,
I was lost then, so confused then
I believe that world would change that.
There are broken hearts we can mend
Through the music we've learned to love again
Through the silence, through the years
from the moment you were born,
I have lost love, and now I've found you
Let me feel your heart, Let me hear your song
Hear__ Your___ Song___
The Bells (know the tune)
Hear the sledges with the bells silver bells,
what a world of merri; ment thier a melody fore-tells
how they tinkle tinkle tinkle in the icy- air of night
while the stars that over sprinkle
alll the heaven seem tinkle with crystal line delight
Keeping time time time in a sort of run-ic rhyme
To the tin-tin-a bu-la-tion so musically wells
From the bells bells bells bells, bells bells bells
From the jingling and the tinkinling of the bells.
Light a Candle (know the tune)
Light a candle hold a sign of hope in your hand
Light a candle let it shine across the land
The hour that seems the darkest turns quickly into day
Light a candle, let us show us the way___
Light a candle for a child who sleeps in the cold
Let your heart compassion and un-fold
A light will make the darkness seem easier to bare
Light a candle for the hope that we share
Let your light out shine your every fear
Hold it high, hold onto what is clear
Hold on to everything that you hold dear
Light a candle, let it shine from young and old
Light a candle let your heart compassion un-fold
A ray of hope for all of us
A simple silent prayer
Light a candle for the love that we share......
River Song (know the tune)
Shulea-ron away to the waters by the sea ita churning yearning river
You can cast your bur-dens there upon the glass just a skip of polished peebles
Dreamers... Lovers.. Listen.. Sweetly..
Let the waters wash away your tears______
Poets... Seekers.. Listen... Keenly..
Wonder not, your course is set by the God.....
Sing and Dance Do a reel to the tune of the babbling tale
Do you heal to the tune of the babbling tale
Let your heart be glad.
Let the song of the river take you away
Don't let the sun set on hearts of stone
Turn to the river of life
Wisdom of nature is true to god. Be it river or tree set you free
Go with the heart full of grace
Come now sing and dance do the reel to the tune of the babbling tale
Do you heal to the tune of the babbling tale
Let your hearts be glad, let the song of the rive take you away
Dance to the tune Sing to the moon
aye shule a-roon oh shule a-roon Let the river take- you.
When You Believe
Many nights we've prayed with no proof an-y-one could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song we barely understood
Now we are not afraid Al-though we know there is much to fear
We were moving mountain long be-fore we knew we could
There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail it's hard to kill
Who know what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will, you will when you believe
In this time of fear when prayers so of ten proved in vain
Hope seemed like the summer birds too swiftly flown away
Yet, now I am standing here with heart so ful I can't explain
seeking faith and speaking words I never thought I'd say
There can be miracles, when you believe. Though hope is frail,
Its hard to kill, who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe some how you will you will when you believe
A shi- ra l' a- do nai ki ga oh ga oh
( I will sing gloriously)
Mic- charro- cha- ba- e- lim A do- nai Mi - cha- mo- cha
ne dar ba- ko- desh-
(I will sing to the lord, for he has triumphed)
Na- chi- tah- vchas- d- cha- an zu- ga- al- ta
(Who is like you, oh lord among teh celestial majesty in holiness)
A shir- ra- a shir- a shira a
There can be miracles when you believe though hope is frail
its hard to kill.....
Who know what miracles you can achieve when you believe
Some how you will ....... now you will, you will when you believe
You will when you believe....
I was part of my school choir from when I was in 5th grade, until I was in 8- so about 4 years.
I really liked singing then. It was very fun. We would have concerts.... it was really nice...
I also played the violin at that time, except I started playing violin when I was in 4th grade and played until I was in 10th.
I was going through my stuff and found my choir songs lyrics.
Here are the songs from BDF choir in Iowa. These are amazing songs.
The ones I have composer copy to, I will paste later, but ones I don't have composer copy to and just lyrics I am noting below.
P.S. some of these just sound like poems now because I have forgoteen the tune.. the ones I haven't forgotten the tune are playing in my mind..
Snow
Oooo Out of the bosom of the air, out of the cloud-fold of her garment shaken (over the woodlands, brown and bare) over the harvest field for shaken (over the harvest field for shaken)
Oooo Silent and soft and slow de-sends the snow... de-sends the snow... Oooo Snow...
Cole's Song (know the tune)
I feel that the love around me has come from another world
I have lost love, I have found love
From the moment you were born
I could see a new beggining
Come to me, let me tell you how
How I've lost love, and how I've found love in a world of broken dreams
I was wrong- to deny your feelings
-and I'm sorry if I've caused you pain,
I was lost then, so confused then
I believe that world would change that.
There are broken hearts we can mend
Through the music we've learned to love again
Through the silence, through the years
from the moment you were born,
I have lost love, and now I've found you
Let me feel your heart, Let me hear your song
Hear__ Your___ Song___
The Bells (know the tune)
Hear the sledges with the bells silver bells,
what a world of merri; ment thier a melody fore-tells
how they tinkle tinkle tinkle in the icy- air of night
while the stars that over sprinkle
alll the heaven seem tinkle with crystal line delight
Keeping time time time in a sort of run-ic rhyme
To the tin-tin-a bu-la-tion so musically wells
From the bells bells bells bells, bells bells bells
From the jingling and the tinkinling of the bells.
Light a Candle (know the tune)
Light a candle hold a sign of hope in your hand
Light a candle let it shine across the land
The hour that seems the darkest turns quickly into day
Light a candle, let us show us the way___
Light a candle for a child who sleeps in the cold
Let your heart compassion and un-fold
A light will make the darkness seem easier to bare
Light a candle for the hope that we share
Let your light out shine your every fear
Hold it high, hold onto what is clear
Hold on to everything that you hold dear
Light a candle, let it shine from young and old
Light a candle let your heart compassion un-fold
A ray of hope for all of us
A simple silent prayer
Light a candle for the love that we share......
River Song (know the tune)
Shulea-ron away to the waters by the sea ita churning yearning river
You can cast your bur-dens there upon the glass just a skip of polished peebles
Dreamers... Lovers.. Listen.. Sweetly..
Let the waters wash away your tears______
Poets... Seekers.. Listen... Keenly..
Wonder not, your course is set by the God.....
Sing and Dance Do a reel to the tune of the babbling tale
Do you heal to the tune of the babbling tale
Let your heart be glad.
Let the song of the river take you away
Don't let the sun set on hearts of stone
Turn to the river of life
Wisdom of nature is true to god. Be it river or tree set you free
Go with the heart full of grace
Come now sing and dance do the reel to the tune of the babbling tale
Do you heal to the tune of the babbling tale
Let your hearts be glad, let the song of the rive take you away
Dance to the tune Sing to the moon
aye shule a-roon oh shule a-roon Let the river take- you.
When You Believe
Many nights we've prayed with no proof an-y-one could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song we barely understood
Now we are not afraid Al-though we know there is much to fear
We were moving mountain long be-fore we knew we could
There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail it's hard to kill
Who know what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will, you will when you believe
In this time of fear when prayers so of ten proved in vain
Hope seemed like the summer birds too swiftly flown away
Yet, now I am standing here with heart so ful I can't explain
seeking faith and speaking words I never thought I'd say
There can be miracles, when you believe. Though hope is frail,
Its hard to kill, who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe some how you will you will when you believe
A shi- ra l' a- do nai ki ga oh ga oh
( I will sing gloriously)
Mic- charro- cha- ba- e- lim A do- nai Mi - cha- mo- cha
ne dar ba- ko- desh-
(I will sing to the lord, for he has triumphed)
Na- chi- tah- vchas- d- cha- an zu- ga- al- ta
(Who is like you, oh lord among teh celestial majesty in holiness)
A shir- ra- a shir- a shira a
There can be miracles when you believe though hope is frail
its hard to kill.....
Who know what miracles you can achieve when you believe
Some how you will ....... now you will, you will when you believe
You will when you believe....
I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone)
I love this song..
I sang it solo with my 6th grade choir.
Every time I listen to this song, it uplifts my soul and is very inspiring.
This is my favorite song and very special to me.
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone)
I love this song..
I sang it solo with my 6th grade choir.
Every time I listen to this song, it uplifts my soul and is very inspiring.
This is my favorite song and very special to me.
Monday, January 12, 2009
O Saathi Re
O Saathi Re
Movie Name: Muqaddar Ka Sikandar (1978)
Singer: Asha Bhosle
Music Director: Kalyanji Anandji
Lyrics: Anjaan
Year: 1978
Producer: Prakash Mehra
Director: Prakash Mehra
Actors: Amitabh Bachchan, Amjad Khan, Rakhee, Rekha, Vinod Khanna
Theme: Love
phuulo.n me.n kaliyo.n me.n, sapano.n kii galiyo.n me.n
tere binaa kuchh kahii.n na
tere binaa bhii kyaa jiinaa
O saathii re, tere binaa bhii kyaa jiinaa
Tere binaa bhii kyaa jiinaa
Jaane kaise anajaane hii, aan basaa koii pyaase man me.n
Apanaa sab kuchh kho baithe hai.n, paagal man ke paagalapan me.n
Dil ke afasaane...
Dil ke afasaane, mai.n jaanuu.n tuu jaane, aur ye jaane koii na
Tere binaa bhii kyaa jiinaa
O saathii re...
Har dha.dakan me.n pyaas hai terii, saa.nso.n me.n terii khushabuu hai
Is dharatii se us ambar tak, merii nazar me.n tuu hii tuu hai
Pyaar ye tuute na ...
Pyaar ye tuute na, tuu mujhase ruuthe na, saath ye chhuute kabhii na
Tere binaa bhii kyaa jiinaa
O saathii re ...
Tujh bin jogan merii raate.n, tujh bin mere din ba.njaaran
Meraa jiivan jalatii buu.nde.n, bujhe-bujhe mere sapane saare
Tere binaa meri…
Tere binaa merii, mere binaa terii, ye zi.ndagii zi.ndagii na
Tere binaa bhii kyaa jiinaa
O saathii re...
P.S.
Here is the english translation of the song.
"O Saathi Re"
Oh companion, what is living without you?
In flowers, in buds, in the streets of love,
without you there is nothing anywhere!
What is living without you?
Oh companion, what is living without you?
In flowers, in buds, in the streets of love,
without you there is nothing anywhere!
What is living without you?
I wonder how, without my knowing, someone came and
settled in my thirsty mind.
In the madness of this crazed heart, we have lost everything
of our own.
The stories of the heart...
I know them and you know them, and noone else knows
them.
What is living without you?
Oh companion, what is living without you?
In every heartbeat there is thirst for you;
in my breath is your fragrance.
from this earth to that sky, in my eyes is only you all around.
May this love not break...
May you never get angry at me, may this companionship
never stop.
What is living without you?
Oh companion, what is living without you?
Without you my nights are ascetics: without you my days are
vagabonds.
My life burns out in drops, all my dreams are extinguished.
What is living without you?
Oh companion, what is living without you?
Without you my life, without me your life, is not a life.
What is living without you?
Oh companion, what is living without you?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OssRAVZhsRk
Forgiveness- My personal input
Forgiveness- this is a huge word for me.
I find it very hard to forgive someone so easily, specially when it's someone I love very much, thought they loved me very much or I guess it had to do something with expectations.
There are all these sayings about forgiveness and a friend of mine said to me, "honey, forgiveness is the greatest thing you can ask for and the greatest thing you can give."
Forgiveness, according to Webster Dictionary is, "the act of excusing a mistake or offense"
for⋅give
verb, -gave, -giv⋅en, -giv⋅ing. –verb (used with object)
–verb (used without object)
I think the biggest reason people are not able to forgive is because of trust. Trust plays a large role in this because how do you that someone will not do the same thing again and ask for forgiveness.
I think the same has to do with sorry. My roommate explained, "Sorry is a crazy thing. Some people will meaningfully and with all their heart say sorry, and others will say sorry in a manner that, "I'm saying sorry, but I will repeat the same mistake and say sorry again, just like this"
I tend to apologize a lot for things I don't need to say sorry for.
Back to forgiveness. I find it very difficult to fully let someone off the hook. I may not mention it in relationship, or between exchange of conversation, but I will always have a note in my mind about the "offense or mistake"
Also, there are mistakes/offenses that are worth forgiveness, and how does someone measure that. Whether or not something should be forgiven. I guess it depends on each person.
Sometimes I think I should really with all my heart forgive someone, it would be very high and mighty of me and will really affect my happiness or content level.
Other times I think, I am not god. I am a human being and I don't need to forget when someone has hurt me... Which brings me to a new dilemma... Forget vs. Forgiveness.
Again, how do you define the two and draw a line. There are things I have forgotten, but will never forgive. But there isn't anything I have forgiven and forgot. If I have forgiven something, I definitely have not forgotten it. So this means I really haven't forgiven it?
(This is an example of arguing in a circle)
Back to my first claim, I have a hard time forgiving someone specially I love them very much, or thought they loved me very much or expected a lot from them.
If someone loves you so much then they should have hurt you and question of forgiveness wouldn't have arose.
But if you love someone so much then you should be able to forgive them.
Forgiveness is a big and tough puzzle for me.
Another phrase that plays a large role in this is "holding a grudge"
Apparently, its a bad thing to hold a grudge, but how do you forgive someone who has hurt you so much... and its not a bad thing to say to someone that I can't forgive you, but its bad to hold a grudge, which is assumed as the same thing as I can't forgive you.
Quotes that confuse this even more:
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
"If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart- forgive them. For they have helped you learn about trust and importance of being cautious to who you open your heart to."
Maybe someday I will be able to forgive someone who has hurt me to a point of numbness with all my heart. I don't know when that day will be.
Right now I do know that there are some people I have forgiven cause I know they truly deserve it, they have paid the price and their eyes, actions and words tell me that it won't happen again.
But there are some people that its close to or impossible to forgive because they have repeated the mistakes, have a very weak sign of remorse and don't deserve it.
Sadly there are people that I have put my every drop of blood and sweat into are in this world that will be impossible for forgiveness.
And of course someone else who wouldn't be forgiven as per society morals.
To be very clear with my self, I have made a mistake that is not worthy of forgiveness.
My questions of forgiveness vary and will be very difficult to find answers, but I have to accept the facts and try to find peace in this.
I find it very hard to forgive someone so easily, specially when it's someone I love very much, thought they loved me very much or I guess it had to do something with expectations.
There are all these sayings about forgiveness and a friend of mine said to me, "honey, forgiveness is the greatest thing you can ask for and the greatest thing you can give."
Forgiveness, according to Webster Dictionary is, "the act of excusing a mistake or offense"
for⋅give
verb, -gave, -giv⋅en, -giv⋅ing. –verb (used with object) | 1. | to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve. |
| 2. | to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.). |
| 3. | to grant pardon to (a person). |
| 4. | to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies. |
| 5. | to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan. |
| 6. | to pardon an offense or an offender. |
I think the biggest reason people are not able to forgive is because of trust. Trust plays a large role in this because how do you that someone will not do the same thing again and ask for forgiveness.
I think the same has to do with sorry. My roommate explained, "Sorry is a crazy thing. Some people will meaningfully and with all their heart say sorry, and others will say sorry in a manner that, "I'm saying sorry, but I will repeat the same mistake and say sorry again, just like this"
I tend to apologize a lot for things I don't need to say sorry for.
Back to forgiveness. I find it very difficult to fully let someone off the hook. I may not mention it in relationship, or between exchange of conversation, but I will always have a note in my mind about the "offense or mistake"
Also, there are mistakes/offenses that are worth forgiveness, and how does someone measure that. Whether or not something should be forgiven. I guess it depends on each person.
Sometimes I think I should really with all my heart forgive someone, it would be very high and mighty of me and will really affect my happiness or content level.
Other times I think, I am not god. I am a human being and I don't need to forget when someone has hurt me... Which brings me to a new dilemma... Forget vs. Forgiveness.
Again, how do you define the two and draw a line. There are things I have forgotten, but will never forgive. But there isn't anything I have forgiven and forgot. If I have forgiven something, I definitely have not forgotten it. So this means I really haven't forgiven it?
(This is an example of arguing in a circle)
Back to my first claim, I have a hard time forgiving someone specially I love them very much, or thought they loved me very much or expected a lot from them.
If someone loves you so much then they should have hurt you and question of forgiveness wouldn't have arose.
But if you love someone so much then you should be able to forgive them.
Forgiveness is a big and tough puzzle for me.
Another phrase that plays a large role in this is "holding a grudge"
Apparently, its a bad thing to hold a grudge, but how do you forgive someone who has hurt you so much... and its not a bad thing to say to someone that I can't forgive you, but its bad to hold a grudge, which is assumed as the same thing as I can't forgive you.
Quotes that confuse this even more:
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
"If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart- forgive them. For they have helped you learn about trust and importance of being cautious to who you open your heart to."
Maybe someday I will be able to forgive someone who has hurt me to a point of numbness with all my heart. I don't know when that day will be.
Right now I do know that there are some people I have forgiven cause I know they truly deserve it, they have paid the price and their eyes, actions and words tell me that it won't happen again.
But there are some people that its close to or impossible to forgive because they have repeated the mistakes, have a very weak sign of remorse and don't deserve it.
Sadly there are people that I have put my every drop of blood and sweat into are in this world that will be impossible for forgiveness.
And of course someone else who wouldn't be forgiven as per society morals.
To be very clear with my self, I have made a mistake that is not worthy of forgiveness.
My questions of forgiveness vary and will be very difficult to find answers, but I have to accept the facts and try to find peace in this.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Opportunity
Opportunity.....often it comes disguised in the form of misfortune or temporary defeat.
- Napoleon Hil
- Napoleon Hil
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and its all small stuff
This is a really good book. I learned a lot from this book, and its very helpful, straight forward and clear. Dr. Richard Carlson is a very famous author and has many improvement books like this.
1. Don't sweat the small stuff
2. Make peace with imperfection
3. Let go of the idea that gentle, relaxed people can't be super achievers
4. Be aware of the snowball effect of your thinking
5. Develop you compassion
6. Remind yourself that when you die, your "in basket" won't be empty
7. Don't interrupt others or finish their sentence
8. Do something nice for someone and don't tell anyone about it
9. Let others have the glory
10. Learn to live in present moment.
11. Imagine that everyone is enlightened except you
12. Let other be "right" most of the time
13. Become more patient
14. Create "Patience Practice Periods"
15. Be the first one to act loving or reach out
16. Ask yourself the question, "Will this matter a year from now"
17. Surrender to the fact that life isn't fair
18. Allow yourself to be bored
19. Lower your tolerance to stress
20. Once a week, write a heartful letter
21. Imagine yourself at your own funeral
22. Repeat to yourself, "life isnt an emergency"
23. Experiment with your back burner
24. Spend a moment every day thinking of someone to thank
25. Smile at strangers, look into their eyes, and say hello
26. Set aside quiet time, everyday
27. Imagine the people in your life as tiny infants ans as one hundred year old adults
28. Seek first to understand
29. Become a better listener
30. Choose your battles wisely
31. Become aware of your moods and don't allow yourself to be fooled by the low ones
32. Life is a test. Its only a test
33. Praise and blame are all the same
34. Practice random acts of kindness
35. Look beyond behavior
36. See the innocence
37. Choose being kind over being right
38. Tell three people today how much you love them
39. Practice humility
40. When in doubt about whose turn is it to take out the trash, go ahead and take it out
41. Avoid weatherproofing
42. Spend a moment, everyday, thinking of someone to love
43. Become an anthropologist
44. Understand separate realities
45. Develop your own helping rituals
46. Every day, tell at least one person something you like, admire or appreciate about them
47. Argue for your limitations, and they're yours
48. Remember that everything has god's fingerprints on it
49. Resist the urge to criticize
50. Write down your 5 most stubborn positions and see if you can soften them
51. Just for fun, agree with criticism directed towards you (then watch it go away)
52. Search for the grain of truth in other opinions
53. See the glass as already broken (and everything else too)
54. Understand the statement, "wherever you go, there you are"
55. Breathe before you speak
56. Be grateful when you are feeling good and graceful when you are feeling bad
57. Become a less aggressive driver
58. Relax
59. Adopt a child through a mail
60. Turn your melodrama into a mellow-drama
61. Read articles and books with entirely different point of view from your own and try to learn something.
62. Do one thing at a time
63. Count to ten
64. Practice being in the "eye of storm"
65. Be flexible with the changes in your plan
66. Think of what you have instead of what you want
67. Practice ignoring your negative thoughts
68. Be willing to learn from friends and family
69. Be happy where you are
70. Remember that you become what you practice most
71. Quiet the mind
72. Take up yoga
73. Make service as integral part of your life
74. Do a favor and don't ask for, or expect, one in return
75. Think of your problems as potential teachers
76. Get comfortable not knowing
77. Acknowledge the totality of your being
78. Cut yourself some slack
79. Stop blaming others
80. Become an early riser
81. When trying to be helpful, focus on little things
82. Remember, one hundred years from now, all new people
83. Lighten up
84. Nurture a plant
85. Transform your relationship to your problems
86. The next time you find yourself in an argument, rather than defend your position, see if you can see the other point of view first
87. Redefine a "meaningful accomplishment"
88. Listen to your feelings, they are telling you something
89. If someone throws you a ball, you don't have to catch it
90. One more passing show
91. Fill your life with love
92. Realize the power of your own thoughts
93. Give up on the idea that more is better
94. Keep asking yourself, "what's really important?"
95. Trust your intuitive heart
96. Be open to "what is"
97. Mind your own business
98. Look for the extraordinary in the ordinary
99. Schedule time for your inner work
100. Live this day as if it was your last, it might be
Encouragement
A word of encouragement during failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.
Statement, Explanation.....
I wanted to thank you for your endless kindness and joy you bring to my life, thank you so much Honey, you are a blessing in my life and I thank you for your presence.
I try not to be needy, when you come along I trust you so much and and find you to be quiet extraordinary, you are strong, but you don't believe in it, so you give me so much and how to tell you to stop giving, huh, its in your nature Honey.
Understand the times we share together are ours, only ours, I pleasure you and enjoy you being pleasured....I care for your satisfaction and adore seeing you enjoy life, not moaping around worrying about every single feeling you get. You are a woman, must move on from what people make you feel and worry about what you want and go for it, your success will bring happiness to you and others will be part of it as well. You will be happy.
I try not to be needy, when you come along I trust you so much and and find you to be quiet extraordinary, you are strong, but you don't believe in it, so you give me so much and how to tell you to stop giving, huh, its in your nature Honey.
Understand the times we share together are ours, only ours, I pleasure you and enjoy you being pleasured....I care for your satisfaction and adore seeing you enjoy life, not moaping around worrying about every single feeling you get. You are a woman, must move on from what people make you feel and worry about what you want and go for it, your success will bring happiness to you and others will be part of it as well. You will be happy.
15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About
1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much that they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anybody ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you; take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably sooner later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments your recieved. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know they are a great friend.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anybody ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you; take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably sooner later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments your recieved. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know they are a great friend.
Mother Teresa
People are often unreasonable and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you.
Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you had and it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, its between you and god.
If was never between you and them anyway.
- Mother Teresa
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you.
Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you had and it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, its between you and god.
If was never between you and them anyway.
- Mother Teresa
Poem- In the End
Natasha’s Tune
By Carla Alo
In the end we're bound to be
Next to someone new
And then as years past by, you realize
You're not a fool for waiting
In the end we're bound
To be singing, to a different tune
And when time comes, you will know
You're not a fool for singing
Then he will smile and he will say,
"You're so pretty next to me,"
and you'll reply with all your heart
"Because you're next to me."
In the end we're bound
To find love even when we are not searching
And then when time comes, you will say
It was worth the waiting
By Carla Alo
In the end we're bound to be
Next to someone new
And then as years past by, you realize
You're not a fool for waiting
In the end we're bound
To be singing, to a different tune
And when time comes, you will know
You're not a fool for singing
Then he will smile and he will say,
"You're so pretty next to me,"
and you'll reply with all your heart
"Because you're next to me."
In the end we're bound
To find love even when we are not searching
And then when time comes, you will say
It was worth the waiting
Cloud Nine
Someone Asked: “What is the origin of the expression cloud nine for a very happy person?”
The phrase to be on cloud nine, meaning that one was blissfully happy, started life in the United States and has been widely known there since the 1950s; it’s since spread worldwide. It’s said to have been popularised by the Johnny Dollar radio show of that period, in which every time the hero was knocked unconscious he was transported to Cloud Nine. But that wasn’t the origin of the phrase. It’s been around since the 1930s, though early examples show a lot of numerical variability, with the cloud sometimes being as low as number seven or eight or as high as thirty-nine, though seven and nine were most common.
The phrase to be on cloud nine, meaning that one was blissfully happy, started life in the United States and has been widely known there since the 1950s; it’s since spread worldwide. It’s said to have been popularised by the Johnny Dollar radio show of that period, in which every time the hero was knocked unconscious he was transported to Cloud Nine. But that wasn’t the origin of the phrase. It’s been around since the 1930s, though early examples show a lot of numerical variability, with the cloud sometimes being as low as number seven or eight or as high as thirty-nine, though seven and nine were most common.
These discrepancies make me suspect the usual explanation of its origin, which is that it comes from the US Weather Bureau. The story is that this organisation describes (or once described) clouds by an arithmetic sequence. Level Nine was the very highest cumulonimbus, which can reach 30,000 or 40,000 feet and appear as glorious white mountains in the sky. So if you were on cloud nine you were at the very peak of existence.
The term has always had close associations with the euphoria that is induced by certain chemicals — alcohol in its earlier days but more recently crack cocaine — so perhaps we shouldn’t ask for too great a level of exactness in counting. And the cloud here is an obvious reference to some drug-induced dreamy floating sensation. But I suspect, without having anything so restricting as evidence, that seven was chosen because it’s a traditional lucky number and that today’s more usual nine appears for similar reasons — for example it also turns up in dressed to the nines and the whole nine yards.
Success
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
Things could be worse
Memo from God
To: You
From: The Boss
Subject: Yourself
Reference: Life
I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in SFGTD (something for god to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.
Once the matter is placed in the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life right now.
If you find yourself stuck in traffic; don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.
Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.
Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.
Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.
Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
Should you notice a gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.
Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is the purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.
Should you find yourself a victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness of insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!
To: You
From: The Boss
Subject: Yourself
Reference: Life
I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in SFGTD (something for god to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.
Once the matter is placed in the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life right now.
If you find yourself stuck in traffic; don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.
Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.
Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.
Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.
Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
Should you notice a gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.
Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is the purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.
Should you find yourself a victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness of insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!
Oxymorons
Act naturally
Happily married
Microsoft works
Holy war
Found missing
Resident alien
Minor catastrophe
Affordable housing
Near miss
Great depression
Canadian army
Phone sex
United nations
Advanced BASIC
Genuine imitation
Death benefits
Airline food
Women's rights
Good grief
Same difference
Almost exactly
Sensitive man
Government organization
Everything except
Civil war
Good kid
Sanitary landfill
Alone together
Legally drunk
Silent scream
British fashion
Living dead
Small crowd
Business ethics
Soft rock
Butt head
Military intelligence
Software documentation
New York culture
New classic
Sweet sorrow
Child proof
Now, then
Synthetic natural gas
Christian scientist
Passive aggressive
Taped live
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Extinct life
Temporary tax increase
Computer security
Plastic glasses
Terrible pleased
New and improved
Computer jock
Political science
Tights slacks
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Diet ice cream
Rap music
Working vacation
Exact estimate
Religious intolerance
Freeze burn
Honest politician
Jumbo shrimp
Loners club
Postal service
Happily married
Microsoft works
Holy war
Found missing
Resident alien
Minor catastrophe
Affordable housing
Near miss
Great depression
Canadian army
Phone sex
United nations
Advanced BASIC
Genuine imitation
Death benefits
Airline food
Women's rights
Good grief
Same difference
Almost exactly
Sensitive man
Government organization
Everything except
Civil war
Good kid
Sanitary landfill
Alone together
Legally drunk
Silent scream
British fashion
Living dead
Small crowd
Business ethics
Soft rock
Butt head
Military intelligence
Software documentation
New York culture
New classic
Sweet sorrow
Child proof
Now, then
Synthetic natural gas
Christian scientist
Passive aggressive
Taped live
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Extinct life
Temporary tax increase
Computer security
Plastic glasses
Terrible pleased
New and improved
Computer jock
Political science
Tights slacks
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Diet ice cream
Rap music
Working vacation
Exact estimate
Religious intolerance
Freeze burn
Honest politician
Jumbo shrimp
Loners club
Postal service
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